You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
