kristin has been a bad kristin
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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