She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
