A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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