Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
