If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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