Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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