Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i think im in europe. pls send help
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
