I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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