I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
