a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When are your genitals available?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
