You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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