We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
