So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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