jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
