glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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