why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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