I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
