Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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