The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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