I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
