I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
