k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I intend to get homeless drunk
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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