It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You were trust falling into bushes
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
