I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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