let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
