I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
