matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
