There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
