Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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