Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
