Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
