The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
