so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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