You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
