He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
