and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
