no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
