i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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