I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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