alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
As shirtless as possible
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
