yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
