just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My penis needs a shock collar
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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