so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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