If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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