trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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