Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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