You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
