i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
