I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Actions speak louder than pants.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
