I bet he comes in French.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
