Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
