I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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