I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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