You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
