I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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