I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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