rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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