1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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