I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
