I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
