god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
