Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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