dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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