ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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