ya dads aren't the best wingmen
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
