I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize