no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
